My Personality

Hi. So, well I guess I’m going to write in a more friendly way today. I’m starting a writing challenge. Actually, I’m already a bit late to join — I forgot it when it was first October. However, yeah, here I am. Trying to describe my personality. That’s the theme of challenge number one.

I would say that my personality is quite complicated. I can guarantee that if you swap your soul with mine, you’ll feel exhausted, most likely. I’m not that happy with this because living with this personality makes me sad most of the time. Nevertheless, I’m happy that I can gradually change this bad habit.

Growing up as a Buddhist, I’m studying, listening to dhamma talks, reading, and reciting much many wise life guidance. However, practicing is another thing. I know all the theories on how to be mindful and live a happy life, but I ended up living my life the other way.

That’s bad. Yes. I state it once again here. It even affects my physical body to the point that I scare of death and my afterlife (see, it’s not even nice to worry about things that’ll happen in the future, but I did).

No, I’m not proud of it. Yet, I’m admitting all the bad for a better me.

I overthink too much (this problem still persists and I have to work harder to repair this), I was easily affected by other people’s words or criticism towards me, I was easily distracted, I was a mad perfectionist who aims for the best and would be upset if things didn’t work the way I want to.

I’m slightly changing those bad habits and of course, the most important thing: mindset.

I’m not perfect, at times I’m still vulnerable. However, I feel like I’m improving quite a lot during the pandemic era, especially in 2021. This year marks the point where I made a lot of improvements on loving myself, on how to not complicate things in my head. I’m working so hard to change my bad traits for my own good and I’m making slow but sure progress — of course, I’m proud of this one!

There are so many great things that I’m really grateful for, even though I spend most of my time only in my house and in the hospital since 2020.

Okay, I started with the bad traits. Now the good ones. Hmm, I can’t say much since I can’t really judge myself (it’ll be a huge bias).

But, I can say that I’m a kind person — sometimes borderline dumb to let other people use me for their own good. I’m also made improvements on how to set my boundaries and that shouldn’t happen again :D.

I like to help people, I’m very happy if I can help, really. Though I might have been a bit upset and sad at times because sometimes it makes me overwhelmed hehe, I’m totally okay. I want my life to be as beneficial as possible for others.

In addition, I’m not a judgemental person — I like to see things from a broad perspective. I don’t really care about what people are doing in their lives, since it’s them who are fully responsible for all of their doings. So, why bother?

Hope that paragraph doesn’t sound snobby, since I don’t know what other good traits that I can *objectively* convey here. And I hope I’m not the only one who thinks that I’m actually the same way as I was in the last paragraph. If you know me personally and you want to communicate your objections towards what I stated above, feel free to contact me. We can have a private discussion. It’ll be a great input for me to improve, I’m sure~.

That’s it. I think I blab too much on this post, I even forget that this isn’t my personal journal, hehe. Thank you if you’re reading this far, that means you’re curious enough to know about my personality. *or maybe no, if you just wanted to kill some time, I still thank you*.

See you on the next challenge!